There are some people who we really ought to ban from our lives. They say the most unkind, hurtful, barbed and thoughtless things. They’re the ones who, when you see them coming, you figure out the quickest escape route to avoid having to meet them face to face. They’re unencouraging. The naysayers. The poopers. The negative Nellys. They make you feel awful. They can wound you for days with one well-aimed sentence.
I work with kids, and our rule is that they can only say positive things about others and themselves when they come into my room. We have to try that with ourselves too. Instead of seeing the flaws focus on three positive things about yourself. As I was writing this, I thought I should try it myself if I’m giving the advice. I felt silly, but the exercise did make me smile.
I’ve worked in quiet but diligent ways to free myself from these people over the past two years. The process has been painful in some respects. But liberating in myriad other ways. There were a few close relationships I redefined. I love these people. But I had to reshape how we would interact with one another. I drew boundaries. I have protected these lines with earnest care. But there are two relationships I’ve had that were toxic. One I divorced. The other I just discovered after reading the Fat Diminisher review by Coach Liss.
This 2nd relationship is so very troubling. She’s known me longer than anyone else. She knows my deepest fears and my most fervent wishes. She’s watched every step of every journey I’ve ever been on. She’s been with me through thick and thin. She knows every detail of the 34-hours and 36-hours I labored to birth my two children. She knows every word of the eulogy I gave at my beloved Grandma’s funeral.
She was there when I opened the doors of a new business when I hired my first employees and fired the first one too. She knows the 14-18 hour work days in that first year with a new baby and a new mortgage. She knows how often I cried in the garage when I felt like a failure as a wife because I didn’t know how to stretch myself any thinner to accommodate all the responsibilities I shouldered. She was even there when I learned how to ride a bike, beat all the boys at marbles at recess, fail at roller skating, win the spelling bee in 3rd grade, and pick blackberries in the summer for mom’s pie. She should be my biggest fan. And yet.
She’s not. She’s critical and awful. She says the most terrible things when she sees my body. She sees the losses in weight I accomplished with The Fat Diminisher system, and she sneers in derision, as though it’s nothing but a fluke. Pointing out the belly fat, the flabby upper arms, the stretch marks, how much farther I have to go. She treats me worse than anyone else ever has. And I had the very sobering realization tonight that I can’t allow her to be part of my life anymore. I will never achieve long-term success if I don’t free myself of her.
So how do I go about getting rid of myself?